Home > I'm Just Saying... > Let’s Just Raise Our Kids Right

Let’s Just Raise Our Kids Right


Boys to Men – Girls to Women

We live in a society where gender specifics rule.  Everything is considered feminine or masculine, girly or manly, and rarely anything in between.  A boy should do this – not that, and girls are supposed to do that – not this.  Is it okay to dress my daughter in Tims and my son in pink (if I had a son) or should I not deviate from pink and green polka dot dresses for her and Roca Wear polo’s for him?  Can my little princess take out the trash, wash the car, or trim the hedges without people saying “girls don’t do that”?  Better yet, can Lil’ Man do the dishes, wash and iron his own clothes or make a pot of collard greens?  They will if they live with ChUC!  There are no free and easy rides around here so whether they are male or female raising a lazy, financially needy, no house cleaning, and no homework passing spoiled brat is not an option.  And I’m not going to throw my hands up in defeat either.  They’re just going to do right or there will be a whole lot of “Jesus, don’t let Mama kill me” meetings.  For this reason, I think I could raise a son just fine as long as he doesn’t have any Damon characteristics.

It is so pre-women’s lib to think that a woman couldn’t.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t say it would be easy.  I totally get why people say that only a man can teach a boy to be a man but I still think the biggest concern facing us today is how to be plain old good parents.  A beat that tail parent, a no you can’t have everything you want parent, a what did I tell you to do parent and a shut up while grown folks are talking kind of parent.  I mean, just say that it’s easier to raise a child with two parents, some grandparents and a few good neighbors too, period.  If President Barack Obama and many other men who were raised by single mothers turned out to be law abiding citizens, then maybe the problem we are having with our youth isn’t with single motherhood or the lack of fathers but it is in how the primary caregiver chooses to nurture the child’s identity and lay down the rules. 

I can admit that men have gotten a raw deal over the years because so-called masculine characteristics like wisdom, courage and risk-taking don’t solely belong to men anymore.  Today, women are doing so much more outside of the home so the feminine role of having babies, taking care of husbands, and chasing after children are choices and not requirements.  Also, there are single father households but no one is asking if a man can raise a girl to be a woman.  Ultimately, we are raising responsible human beings and the genitals should be the slightest of considerations.  I don’t have to stand up to pee in order to teach a child how to do it, right?  Let’s face it, most of us need to join GOTTA or Get Our Tails Together Anonymous before we can be too picky about who is raising who.  Our men are in jail because they chased a dream the so-called easy way.  Women are dying of AIDS and having babies alone because they thought with their heart and not their brain.  So even though I stand with a bend in my wrist, an arch in my back and a slight curve in my hip I can still impart street knowledge and encourage character, integrity, strength, respect of persons and the pursuit of knowledge and greatness in my children.  I GOTTA do that!  Am I naïve to think that’s what it’s all about?  Come on people, let’s choose to know.  Know how to do, when to do and why to do it.  We rarely converse about the grey area in which things are neither about being a woman nor about being a man but about being a good person.  That grey area contains the depth of the lessons learned through positive conversations, unemployment checks, trials and errors, mentorship, obtained dreams, start-overs and re-dos.  Within that grey area is where the true measure of a man or a woman lies.  Let’s teach that.

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  1. July 24, 2010 at 5:57 PM

    Alright then Kimeko I really think this hit the fan and shredded knowledge and insight to the masses on your opinion of raisinig children. I agree when you said that we need to raise kids with standards and not let the kids raise us. My children do a lot chores around the house because I believe that is how children learn responsibilty. However, until I read this passage I had to reflect in the mirror on my girls not taking out the garbage. I never seen my mother taking out garbage because we (the boys), were always around. Now I might have to change some routines and allow my girls to be on garbage detail, lol. I don’t believe in free rides and don’t believe in paying my children to do work in their own home. I pay them by taking them out to eat and being there for them gosh darn it. I don’t believe in paying my kids $20 for every A or B they get on their report card. I tell them that I’m not in that class room with them plus my name is not on their report cards.

    I believe in raising my children with the reality on what is going on in the world. I tell them that education is important and earning a degree is the key. However, I let them know that you don’t have to be a lawyer, doctor or engineer to be successful and happy. I tell them as long as you study through grade school, earn your way through highschool, then bust your ass in college..you can make it. I also tell them that it will be good for them to work and earn a little money while in school so when they graduate the company will recognize that have work experience with their education.

    I do believe that a woman can raise a boy to be a man because my mother raised three boys and a girl. My mother did all of this in a rough neighborhood, off welfare, barely having anything at all. However, my mother still earned her education and kicked ass for her degree. I didn’t understand it then but I understand it now on the daily basis. I’m reminded on something that moms taught me everyday.

    We as parents need to stop raising our children on fantasy and raise on them on reality. We need to them that you can still lose with an education. But you will win if you utilize that negative experience with your education to get back up and start over. If you discipline your children early in life, take things away from them, let them earn it back, let them fall on their face, show them how to get up then they will be ok out there in the world. I’m a living testimony.

    Kimeko you did your thing on this one. I’m waiting on part two.

    Dokk Savage

    • July 27, 2010 at 4:09 PM

      Dokk,

      I know you and I know you are a good parent so you’re definitely on track. You’re heartis in the right place. If your daughter has responsibilities around the house that’s good. She doesn’t have to take out the trash. Just don’t set her up to be a snob by telling her that it’s beneath her or that it’s boy’s work. Sometimes getting to the top requires doing all kinds of menial tasks so I don’t want her to be afraid of the grime and grit of the trash. 🙂 Mine takes out the trash but it’s just me and her. She never misses the trashman! lol!

  2. Chris Carlisle
    July 24, 2010 at 8:04 PM

    Hello Kimeko,

    I agree with the spirit of your blog post. But there are 2 social pain points that merit further discussion: gender as relevant, and acknowledging outright that single-parenthood is a sub-optimal situation / *compromise* versus the 2-parent model (when things are working as advertised).

    POINT 1 – SINGLE-PARENTHOOD: I’m not out to “down” single parents, but let’s BE HONEST: ask most ANY single-parent in an interview situation what would be the “IDEAL”, 2 parents or 1, and they’ll almost always say “2”. Okay – so THEY have set the standard, not necessarily me. I’m not the message, just a messenger here.

    Single parents deserve love, respect and support for their commitment and bravery.

    And to be fair, each instance of single-parentness can be a result of many factors outside of the “good” parent’s control. But I will say that when a single dad / mom asserts that “I (perhaps with the help of the village) can raise a child just as good as if both parents were here”, then they are unfortunately asserting that the presence of the other parent (male or female) is “optional” or at best a “nice to have”.

    Therefore, they are buying into radical-egalitarian feminist thinking, which says that “dads” are optional, “moms” are optional, but “good parenting” is not. In truth, “good parenting” requires BOTH a mom AND a dad — anything else is a compromise. Let’s avoid using euphemisms (e.g. this is a new / modern / alternative family structure) to dodge the simple fact that human failure is human failure. Single-parenthood is a *compromise* (meaning not all bad, but could be better). It is a — necessary but temporary — condition and should not be institutionalized.

    Can “good kids” come from single-parent homes ? Yes. But before answering that question completely, weigh this next point very carefully: I’ve heard it said that the true measure of successful parenting is not good kids — but good grandkids. Are we seeing “whole” families (2 parents who marry correctly, procreate only after marriage, succeed vocationally, and duplicate that pattern to the next 2 generations) ? Or instead is the pattern of single-parenting continuing from generation to generation ?

    POINT 2 – GENDER AS RELEVANT: children come from the union of the X and Y chromosome. Not 2 X’s, and not 2 Y’s. Nor are they born asexually from just a single X or a single Y chromosome. The grand plan from the origin of the universe is X + Y. There is no amount of human wisdom or “identity politics” that can change that.

    So where will radical egalitarian thinking eventually take society if unrestricted ? Picture this ultimate arrival point from out of a science fiction novel: a new-age society where an ultimate state of human wisdom has shed the need for religion, a society without borders, where individuals are uni-racial ( BEIGE, not white, black, red, or yellow) and uni-sex (ANDROGYNY).

    Do you, the reader, buy into that ? If no, then stop where you’re at now before these warped values become a permanent cancer in your family line. Take the blue-pill and get a nap. Else, by taking the red-pill from Lawrence Fishburn in order to “find out for yourself” how deep the rabbit hole goes, you will only find yourself on a journey into an abyss which has no bottom.

    An interesting read: “Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism” by Piper and Grudem, 2nd edition, c2006.

  1. July 27, 2010 at 10:20 AM

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